Adventures in Unemployment: Part 1, Cooking (Healthfully)

"Doing nothing is the hardest work of all, for one can never stop to rest."

This statement is a pretty apt description of the way my life feels most days.

As some of you know, we have been in Saint Louis for the past nearly 9 months (!), during which I have not had a job. I did do a small, potentially life-threating stint in school for 30 days, but that was obviously short-lived.

So just how do I spend all. that. time? (This is the question I dread being asked by friends and family, because, believe me, if anyone is keenly aware of how much I have not accomplished in the past year, it's me.) The answer is, I do my absolute best to do positive things with my day that make me happy. Also, I did spend quite a bit of time looking for and being rejected by jobs (at the mall), up until I found out that Stewart got an internship in Salt Lake for the summer, and there was no point in me finding a job I was just going to quit a month later. I mean, I'd already gone jobless for a lot of months, why not continue the streak of unemployment?

In an effort to think positively about the past year, and to hopefully prove to myself that I actually have done something of consequence while we've been here, I decided it would be good to review whatever small accomplishments I've made in the past 9 months in a sort of blog mini-series. (Doesn't that just sound like something a really legitimate blogger would do?) 

Accomplishment Number 1: Cooking (healthfully).

Year one of marriage, my cooking skills were sub-par. And this surprised me, because I thought I'd spent years with my mom in the kitchen and that transitioning to cooking on my own would be a breeze. But something about the combination of planning, preparing, and shopping for each meal was confusing and daunting to me. (Let's not even talk about my budgeting skills.)

This year, though, in my boredom and attempts to find useful things to do that don't involve spending money, I started cooking, and having fun with it. I realized that food was one thing I actually could spend money on, and useful time doing, and so I had fun with it. I think I've gotten a lot better, and so does Stewart. And if Stewart says it, it must be true.

So, sadly, the fact that food was the only thing I could spend money on was a strong motivator to get into cooking. And while that is what got me going, it's not what kept me going.

Which leads me to the second part of accomplishment number 1, the cooking healthfully part. I also had a deep fear of gaining weight as I sat home all day surrounded by food with nothing to do. So I did my best to make sure whatever I was cooking was helping to avert potential weight-gain disasters. I've learned that with just a little extra effort, I can make meals that are a lot more healthy and satisfying than  their original counterparts.

This is part of a roasted salmon and vegetables meal I cooked at my mom's (I only wish I had those gorgeous granite countertops in my apartment!).

As I've learned my way around the kitchen, I have come to love and appreciate how much good food there is out there, just waiting to be put into our bodies if we would only let it in. I've stopped trying to cheat my way through health ("if I run for 45 minutes on the treadmill today, I can go out to eat tonight and order the triple chunk chocolate whatever, and drink all the diet coke my body will take in." [which was a lot of diet coke]) and focused on all the great things I could be doing for my body. And I feel all the better for it.

This is where you're probably asking, "Cooking healthfully?" A pie?" And yes, in honor of pi(e) day and a Pi(e) party, I baked a healthified peanut butter pie.

The highlights of my cooking accomplishments include: hosting a halloween dinner with a few couples friends, cooking chicken enchiladas for both the elder and sister missionaries, and a made-from-scratch lemon cake I made for Easter but clumsily dropped as I was pulling it out of the oven. It was beautiful, though, and my preliminary tastings indicated it was going to be a culinary masterpiece. (Not really, but after I painstakingly zested and juiced 4 lemons and baked this cake, I was preeettty bummed I dropped it in the oven.) But the hastily made-from-scratch replacement Easter carrot cupcakes were also delicious, and I considered that a makeshift success.

These blueberry-banana muffins are healthy and delicious. Win, win.

The Importance of Detours

Hey everyone,

I am rejoining this bit of cyberspace to give you an update on my life. Hopefully lots of updates, as I plan on blogging a lot more in the future (although I know I've said that before, and we all know the last post is from September).

So, since Stewart and I moved to St. Louis, I have been having my own adventures and doing quite a bit of soul-searching. I am basically the worst decision-maker I know, and so I vacillate between wanting to work and wanting to get a Master's degree and wanting to be an artist with an Etsy shop and wanting to be a professional blogger on a daily basis.

Don't be deceived. For safety reasons, I run indoors.

Finally hung up this gallery wall!

The highlights of my stumbling around trying to figure out what to do with my life have included (but are not limited to): trying to be artsy and crafty, setting a personal running record of 5.2 miles in 45 minutes; brushing up on some much-needed and very-neglected cooking and general wifely skills; applying to jobs at the mall and being rejected by said jobs; perusing Craigslist regularly for jobs and miraculously low-priced furniture that our apartment doesn't need; being told I was beautiful by a couple of do-rag wearing, grill-sporting, saggy pant-wearing gentleman on a sketchy street downtown; and, my personal favorite, spending 2 hours every Monday and Wednesday morning for 1 month sitting next to a violent criminal/throat slasher.  (You heard me. THROAT. SLASHER.) Read on if you would like to know how this happened.

Got my hair cut. Pretty exciting.

What I mean by "general wifely skills."

Last October, I started taking classes for interior design, wanting to see if I'd like the school and if I felt it was a worthwhile pursuit. At the time, this seemed like a great option as I knew we'd only be in St. Louis two years, and that we might not be here for the summer between those two years. Full-time jobs seemed un-ideal knowing these things, and that we wanted to go home for more than a week for Christmas. The school had a policy that if I decided the program wasn't a good fit, I could withdraw after 30 days and receive a refund. 30 days in, I decided this was not the place for me. (This was about the time I went to my public speaking class and my teacher was trying to convince students why they should not use the word finna if they ever wanted to be taken seriously as a professional. As in, I'm finna go get some food. As in, I'm fixin to go get some food. As in, I'm going to go get some food.)

There he is. Good ole Sean.

So I cut my losses, and that was that. Then I got a text from Stewart in the middle of January saying he was watching the news and heard there was a shooting downtown at none other than SIBA, the school I had been attending downtown (before I quit). A disgruntled student brought an assault weapon to school and shot the financial aid advisor, then himself. (Both survived.) I followed up on the story a week later, wondering if I knew who the shooter was, because I knew who the man he'd shot and the school only has 180 students. Well, imagine my shock when I found out the shooter was none other than my fellow classmate from that very same public speaking class, Sean Johnson, who, might I add, I sat right next to on a regular basis. Like, it was Sean Johnson and me in the back right corner, and that was our established seating arrangement. And he was apparently already known to be a violent criminal. He slashed a taxi drivers throat in 2009.

It is currently February of 2013. I have applied to non-paid internships because I am just that desperate to get out of the house. And I've applied to freelance jobs that I thought I was offered, then followed up on days later only to discover that this person is never going to get back to me. So, after months of feeling frustrated like I've been making all the wrong decisions that lead to dead ends, I've realized a few things:

1. Maybe the reason I can't get a job is because God just wants me to stay home and live. Haha. But seriously?

2. I have no idea why, when we believe we are following the spirit, we end up taking roads that, in retrospect, seem at best a colossal waste of time, and at worst, life-threatening. When I heard about this design school it had seemed like an answer to my prayers, so I followed up and pursued it, trying not to make any judgments whatsoever when my classmates couldn't stop talking about how they luuhhed to do they hurr (maybe this is a racist imitation, but it's accurate) and my teacher told an hour long story of why you should never buy electronics from Walmart. At the end of that month, though, it was clear to me that this was not the best use of my time. So did I misread the Spirit, or was I supposed to take a detour? I guess God works in mysterious ways, and it's important to remember that we may never understand the true measure of our influence, or that there may be an important lesson to be learned from the time-wasting, life-threatening detours. I'm just not quite sure what that lesson is yet.

On second thought, isn't life one big detour? Things are rarely falling into place exactly as we imagine them to. I guess the difference is, I am still waiting for things to fall into place. Once they do, I'm sure I will be able to look back at this with a lot more perspective.

3. God is aware of me and is ultimately looking out for me and keeping me safe. I can't tell you how relieved I am to have quit going to a school just 2 months before a shooting was about to take place. Even if I misread the Spirit by going there, I did make one right decision: to leave. SIBA was a small school; I would've been there, huddled under a desk or hiding in a closet while we waited for the SWAT team to come get the shooter out of the main stairwell that is really not far from any classroom. I thank my lucky stars (but really my Heavenly Father) that I was kept safe for those brief 30 days I spent going by myself into the heart of downtown.

4. Anyone have any other pearls of wisdom for me? To me, it's always interesting to think of the things that don't make sense, and how they factor into God's plan for us.

Snowmobiling at the ranch.

This girl is going to be a Russian-speaking missionary in the Baltic!

Wow, this post is kind of depressing and that picture of Sean Johnson makes me a little sick inside. On the plus side, we had a wonderful Christmas! Here's the proof:

No caption needed, right? I'm just aweeesome.

There is a bit of an update on my life. I will be posting a lot more not-so-shocking-and-alarming things, so stay posted.

What I See

Do you ever have those days when you feel like the universe is just looking out for you? It's like things are going well, and I've had a good day, and then one last good thing comes along that pushes me over the edge and forces me to say, Wow, today has been really good. Maybe a little too good to be mere happenstance. For me, today is one of those days. Nothing monumental happened, but God put a few really great people in my day--some that aren't always a part of it--and it was nice. It just gave me the sense that even though I'm just a small girl in a huge world, to some people, somewhere, I am a little bit more than one jobless girl away from home. 

While looking at today, I might only be looking at a few well-placed phone calls, two friendly people who showed me charity when they were not expected to, and a really pleasant St. Louis day, but what I see is an Eternal Father who is lovingly aware of me, and one who has shown me there is hope for me in this new little world of mine, and that if I can wait a bit longer, he will unfold something special for me.

It's nice to feel so simply loved and watched over. It's nice to know that although my life and my situation matters very little to the world, it matters to someone. Someone important. Kinda makes me tear up a little bit.

Meet Us in St. Louis

Hello blogosphere!

We are alive and well in Missouri, and, as you can see, I'm giving this blog another go. Last year it felt like I did so many un-blogworthy things that I never blogged about them, and then suddenly I started doing a TON of blog-worthy things at once, and thus was too busy to blog. But rest assured, I'm here now.

So, we moved to St. Louis. Stewart is getting his Master's degree in Healthcare Administration while I currently sit at home being awesome. (I am planning on spending my time looking for jobs, not pregnancies, so if you know of any, let me know.)

Here are a few highlights of our time in St Louis, so far:

 Moving into our apartment. We got our key, walked in, and I started bawling--which I fully expected. (You can laugh at this, because I am laughing now.) Reasons why I bawled: we had just driven 20 hours across the country, and before that we had packed and repacked and packed everything we own and care about and said goodbye to Utah. So naturally, I was prone to be emotional. You can give a girl a pass there, right? Also, there was a very potent odor when we walked into the apartment, and I jumped to the conclusion it was cigarette smoke, and oh my gosh, Stewart, if it's cigarette smoke we are NEVER going to get the smell out and our neighbors must be crazy smokers and we're not in Utah anymore and I'm gonna be slapped in the face with this awful smell every time we come home and it's never gonna feel like anything but a dirty city or casino. Turns out--after a survey of Stewart's parents and several neighbors--that the smell is likely a combination of the treatment they had just done on our brand new wood(ish) floors, the new carpet, and fresh paint. So DON'T PANIC, everyone, we dodged a bullet there.  What's funny about this, is given just a few hours, I really started to love our apartment. It feels like home now that we've made it ours, and now that we've made it smell like the inside of Anthropologie with a plethora of candles. I love it.

Forest Park. You guys, this is the park of all parks. I mean, it's even bigger than Central Park. And it also houses a lot of great free activities. You want to go to the zoo? Well, let's drive to Forest Park and then walk in for free. You want to see a Shakespearean play in the middle of summer, let's say, in a park, and you want to do it for free? Got it. We have been exploring the park and it seems like it has a lot of cool things to offer. We are really excited about an upcoming hot air balloon race that takes off from Forest Park. Apparently, the night before the race you can go to the park and watch a ton of balloons light up at once. Consider us going to that.

Ted Drewe's. Apparently this is a St. Louis original custard shop--one that has been around since the 1930's and one that one woman said she made a pilgrimage from Arizona every summer for. I'll say, it's good. I'm not saying when we move out of Missouri I'll crave Ted Drewe's and only Ted Drewe's, but I really like it. I mean, like most things, I'm up for eating it at any moment.

Our Anniversary. Our official 1 year anniversary was the first Sunday we spent in our apartment; we had no table, next to no groceries, and a lot of stuff to be unpacked. Stewart's parents were still with us that day (after so kindly helping us move) so we just had a nice Sunday dinner with them and waiting to celebrate on our own. The next weekend we celebrated by going to the Soulard Farmer's Market in St Louis, buying a rug from Target, eating delicious food from the ever-crowded Cheesecake Factory, then coming home and to eat our year old cake. (Thanks to my mom for hauling that thing in a cooler on an airplane so we could have it.) I was really happy to celebrate and just had a lot of fun looking back at what a great year we've had together. Plus I just really loved our wedding day. I have this wish that our lives are all being recorded on giant film reels in heaven. Part of the reason I wish this is selfish--I want to go back to certain conversations where people disagree with me and prove that I KNOW I'M RIGHT. Haha. Pride much? The other reason is so I can re-live some of the best moments of my life, and the wedding day is right up there on that list. Absolutely loved it.

The Gateway Arch. This thing is iconic, and going up to the top is pretty memorable, even if only because to get to the top, you have to sit in a very tight, five-seater, futuristic 60's pod that takes you sideways and up around the arch. 

Riverboat tour of the Mississippi River. When you travel with Joe Sorenson, the question is never "Why would I pay to take a 1 hour tour looking at the banks of the Mississippi River," but rather, "Why would I not take a cruise on a steamboat named Becky Thatcher on the Mississippi River? And why not buy some popcorn and diet coke once we're on board? And why would I not buy the horribly posed picture of me, my wife, and my daughter sitting on a bench, sweating next to fake bushes with a fake lifesaver at our feet?" Haha. That's why I love my dad. Why not?

City Museum. Stewart's sister and mother came to visit us this weekend and brought 3 lovely kids, so we decided to check this place out. I am at a loss for words for City Museum. How do I explain that its basically a huge building with steel/rebar growing out of it creating tunnels, slides and staircases that you can climb through? And that there are airplanes in the middle of it, suspended by steel in the air, and there's a school bus hanging off the roof? Or how do I explain that at one point Duncan actually disappeared into the ceiling (inside) in a tunnel no adult should have to squeeze through and ended up on the other side of the floor we were on? This place was really unique and cool. If we had kids of a certain age we'd probably buy passes.

Driving. I still have absolutely no idea of even the direction our front door faces. I had a legitimate, 10 minute conversation with Stewart today about why I felt like we couldn't possibly be driving East. I miss the grid system. I miss roads that run straight East and straight West and perpendicularly North and South. But someday, it's gonna click. Just give me some time.

Busch Stadium. This is a really pretty stadium that has the Gateway Arch and the Mississippi River as it's backdrop. I'm not really a baseball gal, but I can appreciate that. And the fact that the Cardinals won the World Series last year.

Missouri Botanical Gardens. We visited this place for Labor Day and it is really quite a set of gardens. Plus, this weekend it was hosting a Japanese Festival, so we not only got to see the gardens that had been around since 1856, but some really good looking Sumo wrestlers and anime-clad visitors. It was fun.

Well, I really can't think of anything else for now, but don't fret, I will keep the world posted. I just know how you've stayed awake some nights wishing I would just update that blog already. Happy Labor Day to everyone and I'll be posting again with some more exciting happenings from St. Louis.

A quick re-cap of the most monumental 6 months of my life (thus far)

So, a lot has happened that I should've blogged about. Like 6 months ago.  But I guess there's no time like the present. Humor me, for a moment, while we travel back in time to blog posts that I should've published.

Date: June 17, 2011

Title: OOHHH EMMM GEEEE.

As of tonight, my dear friends, I am an ENGAGED WOMAN! Right now I am just totally happy and content and in love. All I have to do is plan a wedding and get married already. Two months should give me enough time to plan a wedding, right?



June-July-beginning of August, 2011

I must've been crazy thinking two months was plenty of time to plan this wedding. But, I will not admit this out loud to anyone. Instead I say, "Oh, I think two months is plenty of time! I think if I had more time than that, I would just drag it out forever and wish we were already married (which I happen to think is true)." I am busy working 9-5 everyday and trying to plan a fantastic wedding with whatever time I have left. Okay, so I also cheat at work a little and get ideas there too. I've decided it's stressful planning a wedding when you are somehow picky and fickle all at once.

You should also know that right now, registering at Bed, Bath & Beyond and Williams-Sonoma is the bane of my existence because I am completely spoiled and busy attending 6 bridal showers that have been carefully scheduled in between engagement pictures, two trips to Lake Powell, wedding planning, (and, of course, those 5 other bridal showers) and putting in my two weeks notice at work. (Those two weeks were more like two months. My boss and co-workers knew I was gone the minute I got engaged and started frantically planning a wedding, but they pretended like I wasn't slacking at work because they are such nice people. Such. Nice. People.)

Allie (cutie on the left!) was a lifesaver. Did my hair, threw my shower... The list goes on.

My mother-in-law's family threw me a tea party shower. It was unbelievably cute.

One of my favorite engagements.

A couple whities livin' it up in Powell.

August 12, 2011

Today I went to the temple to receive my endowment. I did think a few things were a bit, ah, peculiar, but I'm grateful God gave me glimpses of sheer happiness and a moment of sanity and complete peace and joy. When I walked into the endowment room, my sister Heather and her husband were already in the room, dressed in white, and it felt like they were waiting for me to arrive. I immediately felt this overwhelming feeling that God really loved me a lot, and that what was happening to me was so special and so sacred. It was great to see Stewart, members of my family, and members of his file in one by one and give me reassuring looks (while I cried, of course). And then, after that brief moment of clarity, I listened and watched with rapt attention, trying to digest and memorize and internalize and completely understand everything that took place in the next hour-and-a-half. And, surprisingly, I did.
Not. Haha.

Coming out of the temple a new woman. So happy!

August 18, 2011

I am getting married tomorrow! Whaaa?
Stewart was sick most of today and yesterday (everyone pray he shows up tomorrow) but tonight everything finally subsided.  I spent most of today getting last minute things ready but was able to spend the night with Stewart. I was so happy we got to steal a moment to ourselves on the bench swing outside my parents basement porch (that sounds like it doesn't make sense, but in my house, it does). We each took our patriarchal blessings out and read them to each other and contemplated what mortality and immortality might be like together. It was a pretty special moment--I can't lie--and I think it was a perfect way to go to bed on what could be the hardest night to sleep in your life, especially knowing the obsessively-thinking, anxiety-ridden and analyzing-prone, like myself.

August 19, 2011

 I woke up at 4:45 feeling bright-eyed and bushy-tailed about what I didn't realize would actually be the longest day of my existence. The sealing was definitely the high-point, but I loved when Stewart and I gave our "toasts" at the wedding luncheon.

Okay, so I snuck in a few bridals.

My sister Kate told me this one looks like I'm waiting for a train to pick me up in 1850.

I really like this one for some reason.

This is currently hanging on the wall of (marriage) fame in my parents house.

I loved the cake and these photos in the dark.

Maybe it's just me, but I love the shots of us dancing because they look so glamorous.

Cute little feet!

The wedding reception was gorgeous and so. long. Stewart and I keep saying that we wish we could've attended our own reception (what a novel idea!) because I would have loved the endless crepes and just sitting down at the cute wooden tables and enjoying the company a bit more. I loved seeing everyone I knew, but by the end of the night I was ready to cut the cake and move on with the show.

It was such a perfect day. I've never been so happy. I couldn't have asked for anything better. (Okay, I guess I could have asked for a slightly less-weird DJ who played what I asked him to. But, I couldn't hear the music anyway and therefore it's like it never happened. Plus Stewart and I got a goood laugh about the deejay pestering us through the reception and giving us commands and telling us the exact right speed at which to make our exit. "Really, who is this guy?") Jokes aside, it was such a great day. Perfect boy, perfect weather, perfect dress, perfect venue, perfect guests... Loved it.

If you made it through this entire post, you deserve a medal. I'll make you one myself.

We've got [dramatic pause] Personality!

So, this might be the best post you see from me all year.  My life can only go downhill from here.

Stewart and I got scouted by a talent recruiter on Monday at In-N-Out in West Valley. Yes, West Valley. Classy.  One minute we're enjoying hamburgers and the next a black man has approached us wearing a nice amount of bling.  The hight points of the conversation:

Frank: "I been watching you two, and y'all have got personality!" (If you could hear my impression of his voice it would probably make these comments 10x cooler.)

Frank: "I work for a talent agency, it's legit. It's called 789 talent.  And we need F***in' talent.  Imma speak to y'all like a brother.  This is serious s***."

Frank: "You guys, this is a once in a lifetime opportunity. I've been in movies."
Stewart: "What movies have you been in?"
Frank: "Oh, all sorts.  I've been a bus driver, been in one called Probability, another horror film.  (Starts to churckle.) You know, I was just in a student film--you know what it was called? "Home Alone: Mothaf***a! That one was pretty cool."

Frank: "You, young lady.  You would make a great model.  (Stewart laughs. Thanks.) No, I'm serious!"
Frank: "And this guy (points to Stewart) --he crazy! He crazy.  He'd be a great actor."

Basically, what I'm trying to say is I am a really big deal.  I mean, surely the fastest way to super-stardom is by starring in a student-made film with an expletive in the title.

Look for me in Hollywood, y'all! Imma speak to you like a brotha.

Look Beyond the Weeds

So,  it has been a while.  Turns out life never slows down, even though you think it will sometime in the near future.

While I've been away, I feel like I have been busy growing up.  I graduated from the fabulous BYU in December and started a grown-up job in January.  (Memorial Day tomorrow is going to be my first day off. SO. EXCITED.  It's all about life's simple pleasures.)

My new job allows me to work a lot with my grandma.  (We do public relations for some of my family's companies, and my grandma is included in there.) For those of you who don't know grandma Bev, let me tell you: she is a rockstar.  She's an 87-year-old champion of educational reform who still works about 40 hours a week, takes care of 8 children, 47 grandchildren, and 45 + (and always growing) great-grandchildren.  You can read about her and her Art Works for Kids program here.

Publicly, she's a sweet old lady trying to keep the arts alive in Utah schools.  But she's also one of the most doggedly-positive, loving, compassionate people I have ever met.  If you ever have a chance to shake her hand, for just one moment she will make you feel like you are the best thing that has ever happened to this world.  Her smile is huge and contagious and her heart is even bigger (as cheesy as that might sound).  She sees the best in people and is always willing to offer more of her time, energy and resources than was ever expected.  That's my grandma.  I hope I've painted a good picture for you.

As I was working with her on her book last summer--oh, yeah, she also wants to write her biography, and her brother's biography, and travel to Jerusalem one more time, and so on--she told me a story that I think is quite poetic.  One day many years ago, my grandma was outside her home in the foothills of Utah pulling weeds with her husband.  It was a hot day, and it seemed like the weeds were everywhere to be seen.  She grew tired and frustrated, and maybe even a little helpless looking at how much work they had ahead of them in the heat.  After a while she started to complain to my grandpa about how much weeding they would have to do.  My grandpa looked at her and said, "Beverley, look beyond the weeds.  Look at the birds nesting in the trees, look at the beautiful view we have of the valley, see how pretty the world is in the spring.  Look beyond the weeds!"

I was talking to my mom this morning and she brought this story up again.  Sometimes we have to look beyond the weeds.  It's easy to get caught up in the details, but sometimes we need to look past the little things that easily discourage us and see the bigger picture.  Next time you get frustrated about all the work ahead, try to see the bigger picture.  The weed-pulling is worth it in the end.