New Years Resolution for 2011: Blog more than once a decade.

Today I turned in the final paper of my undergraduate career.  It was a bittersweet experience.  But I have to point out that the paper was pretty cool, because I got to write it about this movie, which is pretty fantastic:

Isn't Leonardo dreamy? 

I wrote it for a phenomenal class I took from Dr. Siegfried.  She is a fantastic teacher, and the sad thing is that I could've had her at least twice in my time here at BYU, except she scared me right out of her Shakespeare class on the first day of Winter semester 2009. (She said every time we were late, our grade dropped a letter. So sue me for chickening out!) She came highly recommended to me, so I bit the bullet and took the class, favoring real learning over actual grades.  It paid off!

This class felt like it really fed my soul.  Here are some interesting things we talked about this semester, for which I am a better person:

• The difference between art and pornography.  (In a Shakespeare and film class, this is a hot topic.  Think Olivia Hussey in Zeffirelli's Romeo and Juliet. My opinion: pornographic. What artistic purpose does it serve?)
• The importance of education! I don't know how, but this brilliant teacher of mine can store the results of several studies in her head.  Once she told us that they had done studies on marriages, looking at how education affected their longevity.  Turns out, the more education a couple has, the more likely they are to stay together.  Then, they wanted to study whether a single spouses education had a bigger impact on the marriage.  Turns out, when a man's education is higher, it has virtually no positive or negative difference to whether the marriage will last (although I'm sure it is highly beneficial in a lot of other ways).  BUT, in marriages where the woman has a higher education, the marriage is more likely - something like 80% more likely - to survive.  So, HA. I feel completely validated to get a Master's degree and a PhD in the name of family, not a career.
• We have the ability to construct the world we live in.  How we see the world affects what we believe; if we see reasons to be happy, we believe we can be happy no matter what. We construct our lives, not our circumstances. 

Those are just a few of the gems that came from my class this semester.  

On a completely unrelated note, I took a beginning gymnastics class this semester and LOVED it.  I'm also going to brag a little that I can still do back-handsprings, aerials, and I now can do front aerials.  Boo-freakin-yah.

Overall it has been a great semester! I'm pretty sad it's over because I love learning, but I'm trying to be excited about a new chapter ahead.  Watch out real world, here I come! I'm a college graduate.

See you all again in 6 months, because I'm apparently that good at blogging.

P.S. Aren't you proud that I have a) actually posted on my blog, and b) even changed the layout? I am.  On that note, does anyone know how I can get rid of the stupid "Cutest blog on the block" logo that's covering my beautiful profile section?  I have tried and tried to get that off, to no avail.

butterflies. hearts. beehives.

I am an avid journal-keeper.  You might even say reckless. Some years are better than others, but I have at least 5 journals that document the last three years of my life--and that's not including the "Journal. Macbook Style." I started on my laptop last February, or the thoughtful journal-like entries I write for the blog.  I write in my journal until my hand cramps and my writing is scrawl, or I type in my journal 'til I feel I might be developing carpal tunnel.  I cannot get enough of it.

My journal (right now) is very much the stereotype of what you would expect an 8-year-old Mormon girl to get on the day of her baptism.  In fact, I think that's what it was, except it was for my sister Kate.  I will just give you a few words to describe the essence of this journal: pastels, butterflies, bees, hearts, a heart inside a beehive. (If that doesn't sell you on this journal, I just don't know what will.)

On each page of the journal, though, there are quotes, poems, and scriptures. The poems can get a little cheesy, or a lotta cheesy, but some days the quotes and scriptures are the perfect accompaniments to my entries.  They're like little epigraphs.  My favorite is part of a quote from Elaine Cannon:

"We are rapidly becoming what we are choosing to be for all eternity."

I agree; we are rapidly becoming what we choose to be, and we become it for eternity.  It might seem like we are only slowly becoming, because it's a gradual process--just like our bodies have slowly become adult.  But, if you're like me, you might look back on that "gradual" growing process and think it went by a lot faster than you anticipated.  I've sometimes thought I needed to "find myself." But I look back on photos of myself when I was younger and realize that I am who I have been all along.

I think we have to choose who we want to be and work on becoming that today. If we choose to wait until "tomorrow,"it usually stays on our to-do list for tomorrow, then tomorrow, then tomorrow.

The other day a friend told me what kind of father he thought he'd probably be. ("I think I'll be affectionate with my kids...")  Well, I think we'll be who we are, who we have been, and who we are always choosing to be.  So we better choose every day to be something good!

For the friend who requested a new blog post.

I like old things.

I know the trend right now is to be, like, SO totally vintage, but I am talking about more than the trend of old-fashioned wedding dresses.  I'm talking about class.  I feel like it just doesn't exist anymore.  I like it so much that only two things would stop me from hopping in a time machine and traveling back in time to find it: 1. The fact that time machines do not exist. Shucks. 2. Women's equality.  That is one thing I like about modern society.

Other than that, I would happily go back in time and live.  Almost everything about me is old-fashioned: my values are certainly old-fashioned and are all the better for it; my religiousness is old-fashioned, and again, I'm all the better for it; and, most of all, there are small elements of old society that I absolutely pine for.  For instance,

I would wear a dress every day of the week if I could.  In fact, I have tried, but then people always ask, "Why are you all dressed up?" and when I say, "Oh, just because," people think I'm slightly crazy.  I'll probably sound like an 80-year-old woman for saying this, but it is an utter shame that nowadays it's more acceptable and draws less undue attention when a girl wears sweats around than when a girl wears a dress.  What a shame!

I'm predisposed to like old music much faster than new music.  It takes a lot for me to warm up to "modern" music--I have to let a lot of the 20th century additions to music grow on me, like computer add-ins and techno beats and screaming voices (And the screaming voices will just never grow on me. Sorry).  Just give me a single instrument (or two or three) and a strong voice on top, and I am happy. I think it's for this reason that I  have never been good at keeping up with modern music.  I do what I can, and I like to think I have a somewhat "cool" collection of songs on my iPod, but it takes a really big effort on my part.  If I had it my way, I would listen to classical, blues, and Frank Sinatra all the time.  (Okay, probably not all the time, but a lot.)

In addition to all of that, here are some other reasons I'd prefer the past to the present.

I would rather writer letters than send text-messages.

I would rather read books than watch TV.

I would rather go to a play than go to a movie.

I like reading poetry.  I would like to be able to write it, too.

I would rather know how to play the piano and speak French than have the ability to work Photoshop or InDesign.

I would rather have a small group of real friends than a collection of 600 on facebook.

I would rather be pasty white than leathery tan.

I would rather take a parasol and sit in the sun than sunbathe. (I'm weird, I know.)

AND, there is just a small collection of reasons I would love to go back in time.  But in actuality, I'm grateful for 2010.  I just wish I could make a few changes and add a little more class to the world.

Twenty. One.

Happy Birthday to me.

Tomorrow.

Here are five reasons why this Birthday is going to rock:

1. I won't have metal brackets on my teeth like I did last year.  That always makes the pictures more pleasant.

2. I only have one class (unfortunately at 9:00 in the morning, but that's still okay). My other class got cancelled.  Once the teacher realized it was my Birthday she cancelled class immediately.  Because I'm THAT cool.

3.  I will be having the traditional family birthday dinner at Benihana's.  Mmmm. "Firet mignon, fried rii, and diet co." (That was my attempt at imitating the asian pronunciation of my order.  I don't think it worked out very well and might have sounded slightly disrespectful, but it stays.)

4.  I might be receiving too many gifts this year, again.  But I'm not complaining.

5.  I will be 21! I get to renew my driver's license now. Oh, sweet bliss.  I'm legit.  I remember getting that driver's license at age 16 and thinking "Wow... Expires Feb 26th, 2010. That will never come."  And here it is! I'm legal:)

Stop This Train

Why is it that time seems to pass faster when I'm happy?

It seems like some kind of cruel joke.  When life is hard, time moves slow.  But when life is good, time FLIES. Why! Where does it all go so quickly? How on earth did we end up in mid-February?

I don't want to pine over lost time too much--I think I've mentioned in quite a few posts how I believe life should be enjoyed in every moment.  Time will always march on, so I tell myself to enjoy the "now" because it's not coming back.  But every once in a while it's probably good to stop and realize how fast time is going so you don't let life pass you by.  Still, my resolve occasionally wavers, and I sit here replaying John Mayer over and over again, internalizing his lyrics:

Stop this train
I want to get off and go home again
I can't take the speed it's moving in
I know I can't, but honestly won't someone stop this train?

This year has been awesome, mostly because of that girl with me in the last photo.  (PS. Isn't she a beauty? My most proud moment in life was when people would ask if we were twins when we were younger...) She has been my friend longer than anyone else outside of my family; we're to that point where we just "get" each other.  We are always having those stereotypical best friend moments where we turn and look at each other and say the exact same thing at the same time. (My personal favorite was when we were in the grocery line at Smith's talking about why we will be good-for-nothing wives.  I turned to her and said, "Honestly, cooking? Nope.  Common Sense?  Nope. Work ethic? Nope.  Looking good...?" We both looked at each other with skeptical faces, a "so-so" hand gesture and said in unison, "On occasion..."  Really? 'On occasion'? Of all the possible phrases, that's what came to both our minds...)

I think you all get the point.  My life is pretty good right now, and the pictures are proof:) I kind of wish it would just stop moving forward, but who knows what good things lie in the months ahead?
Singin' stop this train, I want to get off and go home again
I can't take the speed it's moving in
I know I can't
Cause now I see, I'll never stop this train.

why even you would love my grammar class.

If you opened my notebook and turned to the third section, you would be very entertained.

Between class notes on how to parse sentences (yes, that is as nerdy as it sounds) you would find all sorts of phrases in the margins. The first day its, "jessica sorenson. In cursive: Jessica Sorenson. In block letters: JESSICA." Then the margins are blank for a few days. Then, as I start to get lost in the subject material, its WTF IS GOING ON. And several more days later, I write at the top of the margin "Manning Quotes." And the next day it's "MORE Manning Quotes:)." And pretty soon I've almost stopped taking notes altogether so I can fill up the left side of the page now designated More Manning Margin Maxims.

Here is why I have started to quote this teacher in my notebook:

1. He has the same voice of the narrator of A Christmas Story. Think "Adult Ralphie." And if that's not enough reason to love a person, just you wait. There's more.

2. This teacher says the most awesome things.

He frequently compares our learning to "parse sentences" to Jedi training. For instance,

"This here is far more information than you need to know about parsing sentences. I mean, you have your Youngling parses, then you have your Patowan (spelling?) parses, and then you have your Jedi parses. This is a Jedi parse, but you only need to know the Youngling parse for this class."

He compares modifiers to Star Trek, Reese's peanut butter cups, and Tofu. And I'm not kidding.

"Some of us have a higher tofu threshold than others.

Mine is set quite low, actually."

In mock argument with himself:

"'You got peanut butter on my chocolate.'

--'Well, you got chocolate on my peanut butter!'

... Either way, it's still a Reese's."

?

"This may look like a modifier, but it's not. It's modifoid. You know, like Spock. He's not human, he's humanoid. I mean, he's almost human but he's not--he's a hairless bi-ped."

You heard me. Hairless. Bi-ped. Get your popcorn ready, we're going to ELANG 322! Now I come to class excited to learn about Star Trek and how grammar can be compared to popular chocolate candy and tofu. Then he ends class with something like,

"And next week we will back back to the mechanics of punctuation with a vengeance."

Did I mention today he was wearing a tie reminiscent of the 80's with a double-helix on it? Awesome.

Randoms

I'm titling this post "21 Random Facts About Jessica That No One Actually Wants to Read but Jessica Will Document Anyway."

Fact #1. This lion has seen me through the past 3 years. I got it as a gift from Mikayla in Hawaii (in Fall of 2007), then brought it to Utah, and it's been living in different college apartments ever since. So I took a picture with it. We're pals.

2. I sometimes narrate my life. And yes, I do realize how absolutely WEIRD this is. I don't know how I feel about actually admitting it, but there you go. I write my life, as I live it, from my head--in third person omniscient. As in, "She [Jessica] did not grasp why she chose to eat 3 Crunchy Taco Bell tacos (sans sour cream), half a sandwich, several Oreo cookies and Flipz, all in under ten minutes. She hadn't eaten anything else all day, and now her stomach was telling her something like, Really? I haven't eaten anything but crackers all day, and this is what you do to me?" Ha, so there is one ridiculously embarrassing, hopefully humorous fact. (By the way, that story is 100% fact. It happened 20 minutes ago and it was totally worth it.)

3. I love school. I like learning. In fact, I love it. I kind of want to get a Master's just so I can stay in school. Who wants to live in the post-school world, anyway?

4. I have a metal BB somewhere in my buttocks. I got shot by my brother's friend, and it went so far in the Dr's said they'd only take it out if it got infected. So my mom (yeah, embarrassment) and I cleaned the entry wound every day for a couple weeks. Voila. No infection, the BB stays.

5. I have watched approximately 18 girl friends get married since I entered college.

6. I was a bridesmaid in two of those weddings:)

7. I hate onions. So much. I wish I liked them--they're always ruining my food.

8. I like when people ask me how to spell words. Sometimes family members call me asking how to spell words, and for some stupid, geeky reason, it makes me feel good about myself. Even though I know this is a stupid skill, and also quite annoying to most people, and that spelling is arbitrary, I like feeling good at something--even if it's telling people where to put their apostrophes or how to spell words like "definitely."

9. I LOVE to travel. I've been really lucky to travel so much in my life, but I'm greedy. I can still think of so many places I want to see. (New Zealand, Greece, Australia, China, Egypt, Zimbabwe...)

10. I highly value spontaneity. Or maybe just rashness. Two years ago I woke up on Halloween with every intention of going to school. Then my sister called me in the morning and told me she was making Halloween pancakes, and that I should come home and carve pumpkins and skip class. So I did. And I loved it. I think I associate spontaneity with really living. I think in life we sometimes focus so much on the future that we don't enjoy our lives now. If you're always looking ahead, you'll miss the present. And the present might hold Halloween pancakes and pumpkin carving, and who wants to miss out on that?

11. I try to avoid my problems. It never works. But when I get stressed about something, my first reaction is to get so frustrated and emotional that I can't function, and then to shut down and try to push it out of my brain entirely. It's not very effective.

12. I'm slightly feminist. And I used to be almost entirely the opposite. I used to criticize girls pretty harshly for being girly. Stupid, I know. And some traces of that still remain, but ever since I met Mikayla in Hawaii I have had a streak of feminism. It's mostly annoying to myself and to other people around me, but I have tried and can't really change it. I'll stick up for women. Not for their "rights" to pursue careers and earn the same wages, basically to become like men--I hate that. We have men in this world; let's keep the women women. I stick up for women's rights to be feminine--to be mothers, to be people without jobs, to be somewhat emotional and yet still valid in society.

13. I love soundtracks. I love movies, and soundtracks enable me to relive them. So I like soundtracks. I also like soundtracks because I am one of those annoying people who has a band like Radiohead on my iPod, and only one song by them. Because hey, if I don't like the sound of the other songs, I don't want them on my iPod. I'll just listen to "15 Step" and be happy. I also like soundtracks because I like trying to imagine what the soundtrack that accompanied my life would have on it. I think if I had to choose one song to be on my life soundtrack at this point, it would be "Let Go" by Frou Frou. It just works.

14. I strongly dislike how people from my generation think they can "know" a person based on the kind of music they listen to. It's like some people think my soul is being revealed through the bands I've selected to be on my iPod. Yes, the type of music people listen to could be revealing, in a way, but not as much as people make it out to be. I mean, I listen to Mika. My brother-in-law will never live it down. But you know what, maybe I like Mika simply because it's happy music. Not because I've thought about it in accordance with the grand scheme of musical artistry. Or maybe I like Mika because it reminds me of my best friend. Or maybe it's just on my iPod and I haven't taken it off. Maybe I have the Chipmunks on my iPod because it reminds me of my childhood. So what! I am more than the music that happens to exist on my iPod. And I think you are more than your music, too. You should be flattered.

15. Chips are my favorite junk food. I could eat Cooler Ranch Doritos until I had canker sores. In fact, I think I have.

16. I can not conjure up a reason why any person besides myself would still be reading this list at number 16. Maybe no one is. Or maybe I hooked you after I told you that I narrate my life in 3rd person omniscient, and you've been hoping to learn some other freaky fact ever since.

17. I miss London. I keep looking at my pictures and wishing I could go back. Sigh.

18. I love Utah. I know some people might have a brain aneurism upon hearing that sentence, but it's true. This is my home, and I love it. Not saying it doesn't have its flaws, because every place does. But I still like Utah, the Murray area in particular.

19. I have a knack for wasting time. Give me a 3 hour time period with nothing to do, and I will fill it with absolutely nothing. It's a gift, what can I say?

20. I love my roommates. Each new year of college has felt like a different adventure for me, but I think this year has been my favorite so far. Thank goodness for a girl named M-A-N-D-Y.

21. I can imitate Tickle-Me-Elmo's entire laugh sequence. Bet you didn't see that one coming.